not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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