I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
