Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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