I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
