Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I checked into jail on foursquare
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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