That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
