you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i think i have herpe
just one?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
