I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
