what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
