He asked to "fluff my boner.."
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
