You're my little dorito
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
