found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
