i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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