sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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