The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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