My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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