I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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