we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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