Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
