I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We're too hungover to prance.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
