Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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