Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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