Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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