Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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