I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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