The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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