My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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