VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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