at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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