You're my little dorito
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize