well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
