So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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