Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
