I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
A bitchslap is in order.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
