She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Let's paint friendship bongs
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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