Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
