We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
