i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize