Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize