i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i dont even know how to be here
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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