It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
