Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just found puke in my bra..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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