one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize