Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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