stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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