at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
