Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
