i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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