Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
