I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Barsexuality is the new black.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
