I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
