Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
