So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize