I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize