His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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