i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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