it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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