As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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