Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
