I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
