I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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