you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
