i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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