I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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