This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
