at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize