I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
