I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
