I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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