hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just found puke in my bra..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
