I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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