if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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