every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
