Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
