i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
