eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
