theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
