What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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