I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize