I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
